is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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