his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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