If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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