The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
