Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
