I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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