i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
