I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
