Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
