remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
