But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
