My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
