yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
