my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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