Just cropdusted the office
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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