my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone shattered a urinal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
