My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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