very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
