DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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