I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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