Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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