it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
