I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
