Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
