My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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