Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
