I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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