okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
