May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Houston, we have a blender
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
