he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
