Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
