Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
