Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
