there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
