Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
