Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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