I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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