You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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