What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my poor anus
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
