so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You ruined the universe
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
