I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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