This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
