How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
