the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
