I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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