We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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