Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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