I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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