my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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