I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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