There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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