It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
