Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
