i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
