Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i believe in u and ur pee
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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