she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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