hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
