Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
