god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
