The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
