I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
