True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
