hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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