Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this boner is exhausting
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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