I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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