We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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