i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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