His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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