I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
