Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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