Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
