thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
