the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
