Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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