Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
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Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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