I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
