you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
