so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
