Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
