Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
