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• (305): View more from Florida

  considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?

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• (650): View more from California

  you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!

  (1-650): View more from California

  noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots

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• (564): View more from Washington

  I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?

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