Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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