During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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