My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yo dont text me then not text me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
